Seeing the End of a Rough Journey

So, last time I'd mention about my personal journey with a battle of cancer. That part of having to have chemotherapy is almost over. These past weeks have been a struggle, but there have been amazing people who've helped along the way with jokes and new people that I've met not only while I continue fighting, but people who are currently in the same war as I. To those people, thank you for reminding me that people in numbers really are a strength. Cancer comes in many forms, and although mine is breast, there is a sense of having understanding that You are never alone in your fight. THERE IS ALWAYS A HAND to guide you through this difficult time. Cancer is nothing but a coward, and it deserves to be treated as such, so chase it away.

Now that I'm closer to the end of my personal journey, I can turn around and be a light to those who have just began their struggle. To tell them that cancer isn't something to be feared; it is another test to prove once again how strong you are. Not everyone, this is my personal believe, can face a disease--cancer, there, I've said it. A cowardly and powerless one.

One of the biggest things that is the most important is a strong rely upon my savior, Jesus Christ. There have been nights when I've felt powerless, afraid, unsure, and doubt sank to the bone. Sleep fled. Wondering if you'll wake the next day preoccupied thoughts. But, with a foundation in a God of Mercy, I will rise triumphantly. No matter what.

Standing Strong in the Face of Adversary

Today, I began my treatment every week. The chemo isn't as strong as the first round, but it is still enough to kill cells. This morning, I could not imagine going through more rounds of chemo. Why couldn't the cancer just vanish? My mind pouted, knees crumbled onto the floor, and heart reminded God how much I hated admitting traveling through a rough trial. Trials don't always disappear overnight. There are reasons why trials are given to those better suited for them. Or, in my case sometimes, I need trials to remind me to remain humble and allow help when offered. Just one tough lesson to learn after another, and life will continue to throw curve balls until you learn how to catch them. My favorite is catching and throwing a ball back at whatever comes my way. OK, so there are still personal fears to overcome, but those are slowly decimating.

This morning was so much easy to just stay in bed. Some days it is hard to rise from ashes like a grand phoenix. When that phoenix rises, my day is so much better. Suddenly, I have a surge of new-found energy that I have no idea where it comes from. One thing that I do know is is how much people including friends and family love me. They're praying or sending positive energy to help heal this element without much to their knowledge. I thank them.

Another thing that makes chemotherapy easier to handle is the medical staff. I hate to brag, but I have the best team in Turlock. The staff takes care of me very well. Today, I had opportunity to share some of my experiences with another patient who began her treatment this morning. The nurse actually asked me, so I said I would. It is always interesting to get to know someone over some related thing or when opportunity arises. I just need to learn how to better use chances to share with what I know to benefit someone else's life. My desire is to bless others' lives with the best I can and have. I want to tell people that it is OK to admit when life is hard, but to stand back on your feet even in the deepest of water. That is where true strength lies. I just needed a reminder.

My battle on Cancer--still going and still writing.

Another round of chemo today and off to class! Essay finished, life is good, and a new manuscript is underway. Six months of hacking the piece into a product of imagination. This new manuscript is coming a while. Feels like I have to do a lot of research to see what I can and cannot do far as technology for the future. Just mostly what is in the works. Yeah, learning how to create a worthwhile scifi novel is a bit of a challenge, but it will be awesome because I have a co-author who although he thinks he will produce worthless work, but he will be wonderful now that he has what I've given him and an idea what to do. He'll be awesome; I have confidence in him whether he knows it or not.

Speaking of novels and such. The Demon-Gods War trilogy is on the back burner currently due to a few things. All three manuscripts are completed, so that's a plus. Been working on various issues with the series on a whole. Experience with cancer and having to be poked with many needles seem to fit the bill with a character within the DGW trilogy. Hmm, now to add a bit of humor. I hope the nurses won't mind me quoting them.

Don't be Afraid to Say the C word--Battle with Cancer

I have been diagnosed with stage 3b cancer a week before my 26th birthday. A lump was discovered in the right breast. While waiting for the diagnosis, my heart became heavy. I knew what the answer was. Cancer is not a respector of persons. Cancer will claim anyone at any age. Now, it claimed me. MY turn to join others who also fought and who are fighting. The "Pink Army" continues to fight and so shall I. Did I happen to mention that pink is not a favorite color?

One of the things that bother me is how little understanding what it is like to go through chemo. The first is for me, and what I am experiencing is it is all right to admit how scared I am. Crying does not come naturally for me; I am not a crier. Never have fear gripped around my heart so strongly in any experience than discovering cancer. Anger swollowed common sense, questioning God on why he would allow a rough trial to come upon me. What lesson did He mean to give me? Was I not trying hard enought to follow His commandments? Indeed, perfection is a hard thing to ask of an imperfected being easily tempted by the Adversary. But I try. For what little faith I do have, I will give it to my heavenly father in exchange with help for my unblief.

I watched as the red chemo traversed out of the source, through the small tubular link to my new friend named "The Tick with a Tail" or what is called a port. The nurse administering my medication laughed. "I have never heard someone call that before," she said. Well, she had a writer in her mist. I think I personally would have been insulted, but that is just me.

As I reflect on this experience and while sitting here in class thinking what to write for this prompt, my mind cannot come to terms with having short hair. For one, having short hair is out of my comfort level. I want to reach back for a ponytail—the one secured thing about being a female. Years of long hair, summers of always putting it back, and just arguing with Mom about getting it cut as a child. Not going to lie, having my hair this short feels a bit degraded, but at least I get to have fun spiking it after chemo when it grows back. Yeah, a positive about having hair is the ability to regrow it. After all, it is just hair. There are worse things to lose than hair.

Keep it Real by Lee Gutkind Prompt

Oh, the chapter on using family members as characters. I guess what I can use as a response to a classmate's   presentation is to discuss the event where my fiance and I hadn't told my parents we were engaged. Oops, probably should have told them that night where he proposed in front of the Provo Temple. Oh well, now they know and no big deal except they (at least my mother) already knew and were waiting for the man to grow balls just to ask. OK, might not be exactly what the case was, but it still makes a good story for later, I tell myself. Need funny stories every once in a while, no?

Creative Nonfiction Prompt

Oh regret, how much do I hate having you around. Even while traveling through a fiery trial whether large or small, you regret things that you don't have any control over, and it is a heavy burden to bear. Sometimes, you wonder, "what have I done or haven't done to deserve this?" Regret is harmful and although I am not a hundred percent if this will work for class, I don't regret that I am battling cancer. Nor do I regret having bruises on my left arm where the nurses dug and twisted in veins. Just makes a good story later, so might as well enjoy the moment. Throughout my young life (soon to be 26 years), there have been worse things, and I don't regret passing through those trials. Just remember:

Branching Out of the Fantasy

Remember me talking about that if I wanted to write nonfiction that I had to learn the trade? Okay, so those might not be the exact words, but they are close. I decided to take on the romance genre of reading. Don't get any ideas that that includes erotic because thinking that is a mistake. There are romantic novels without any of those scenes. Of course, not to forget that there are some, if done right, scenes that go over my head because they are so rooted into the novel that I don't notice them. Maybe it is the naive personality deep within me...who knows. Kind of sad that I can read something for class and totally miss a certain scene until it is pointed out by a classmate.